Feeling lost

When you start something completely new you better harden your heart. I recently got a new job. As I expected, it’s a grind. the attention to detail here is unbelievable. They want perfection and redefine my fundamentals and break every single habit I have had over 10 years. They are making me rethink what I’m good at or even there’s something I’m decent at. Literally I have one job. I translate, I take care of somebody, become his best friend and family. Sounds easy? That’s what I thought. I didn’t think it would be super easy and I would be given only simple jobs, but seriously the details here are all beyond my expectations. I receive feedback after single work I do, even while I eat. I don’t eat fast, at least I try to not to. First, I don’t feel healthy. Second, I have no reason to eat so fast, otherwise there’s something extremely dangerous going on right in front of me. Today I was told that I’m lazy and not willing to help my player. Trust me, I’ve been working my ass off to approach what they want me to do and I want to be good at this job. Oh and they told me I’m too tense and thinking too much. Frustration. But what can I do? I just started and can’t complain. As long as I stay patient, it means I am learning and developing.

Oh boy, I feel like sniveling right now. No worries, whenever I feel like I’m so useless and unhelpful, I try to remember my trips. People from time to time ask me how much fun I have while working but sadly, I never feel entertained whenever I work, even if it’s something really interesting. It could be my mental problem or not. However what matters is that I’m being better and getting ready for my new adventures abroad next year.

During the last three days I have been thinking about my personality. I wouldn’t give a shit what people think about me and what I’m seen like by strangers. Yesterday I was told that I’m super withdrawn and not willing to socialize with people. I really had no clue how to answer to this question. I don’t find myself outgoing or social, but not sure “introvert” is the right word. I just don’t really like being surrounded by a big amount of people. Why? Quite many reasons. I prefer to be in a smaller group and give attention to them as much as I can rather than being a lost person who can’t do anything by myself…If you know what I mean.

Hopefully things will be smoother.

All the love,
Felix

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Hello world, I'm a treasure hunter of life experiences. I'm curious minded with a strong force for discovery and adventure. These days I spend most of my time living out of a backpack, traveling from one country to the next.

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